I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
