census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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