I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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