I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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