my soul wont recognize me after tonight
operation have a gay friend backfired
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
