So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
