So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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