I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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