i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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