$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
