She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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