Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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