Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
