Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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