i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
