pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
