google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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