what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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