i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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