this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
