After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
