Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
