What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
