The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
