When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
