Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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