Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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