its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
