for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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