The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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