i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
