im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
