how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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