As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
