A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
