We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
