worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
