the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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