she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
