that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
