Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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