you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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