I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
