5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
its not stalking. its research.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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