you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
