legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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