i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
