I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Come see our sink grown plant.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
dude. I can hear the air.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
