even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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