My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
