i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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