Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
