Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
