i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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